Tamara O'Neil is an accomplished executive leader, author, and speaker committed to creating more human-centered organizational cultures. With decades of experience as a senior executive, she understands the pressures and expectations placed on organizational leaders. When her husband died suddenly, she faced an impossible question: how do you lead when you’re navigating your own healing? Her journey through grief while maintaining her leadership role revealed a critical gap in how organizations support their leaders. Now, through her writing and speaking, she challenges the assumption that strength means suffering alone and advocates for cultures where vulnerability and leadership can coexist.
"When grief is misunderstood or mishandled, it doesn't just wound individuals. It fractures teams. It destabilizes organizations. It breaks trust, culture, and human beings in ways that rarely make it into leadership books." ~Who Holds the Leader by Tamara O'Neil
The Reality of Grief at Work
Prevalence
- More than 57% of Americans have experienced a major loss in the past three years (WebMD survey, 2019)
- 3.2% of all employees take bereavement leave each year, with an average of only 2.5 days off (Wilson et al., Social Work in Health Care, 2020)
- 75% of U.S. workers reported experiencing mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, or grief at least sometimes during 2024 (Yomly, 2025)
- Only 28% of employed adults are aware of their workplace's bereavement policies (New York Life Foundation, 2017)
Organizational Costs
- Unresolved grief costs U.S. organizations approximately $75 billion annually in lost productivity (Grief Recovery Institute, 2003)
- 50% reported higher incidence of physical injuries due to reduced concentration in the months following a grief incident (Grief Recovery Institute, 2003)
- 76% of employees cited that a supportive bereavement policy increased their loyalty to the company (Gitnux Market Data Report, 2026)
Impact on Productivity
- 91% of grieving employees report a significant drop in productivity (Workplace Options, 2024)
- The average employee experiences 20 days of lost productivity following a major loss (Gitnux Market Data Report, 2026)
- Productivity loss from family crises including grief is estimated to lower employee performance by 30% for several months (Gitnux Market Data Report, 2026)
- 35% of grievers report their work performance was negatively affected for more than six months (Gitnux Market Data Report, 2026)
Impact on Decision Making and Safety
- 85% of HR professionals agree that grief significantly impacts cognitive abilities such as concentration and decision making in the workplace (Gitnux Market Data Report, 2026)
- Unresolved grief contributes to a 15% increase in on the job accidents (Gitnux Market Data Report, 2026)
- 30% of workers turn down projects or promotions to manage their emotional state following family related grief events (Gitnux Market Data Report, 2026)
When my husband died suddenly, I was an Executive Leader and manager, overseeing more than 100 people and more than $100 million in assets, facilitating effective daily operations and organizational change. I spent most of my career being the strong one, the person others turned to in crisis. But grief doesn't care about your title or your leadership philosophy. It strips you down to your most human self, and suddenly, I needed to be held.
What I discovered shocked me: most organizations want to support leaders through grief and loss, but lack the frameworks to effectively do so.
We've built cultures that expect executives to be invulnerable. We praise resilience and strength, but we mistake those qualities for the absence of struggle. We create environments where leaders feel they must choose between being authentic and being effective. And when personal crisis strikes, as it inevitably does, leaders are left to navigate impossible contradictions alone.
While I was showing up and trying to lead the way that I had found effective in the past, internally, I was unraveling. I wanted to bring joy and passion to the job, but my heart was heavy. The dissonance was crushing. I had colleagues who cared deeply, but no organizational framework to support what I was experiencing. The message (and perhaps the hope) was that I would be able to quickly navigate this setback, return to normal, as soon as possible. Unfortunately, it wasn't that simple.
At times, the gap between expectation and reality felt crushing.
This book is my attempt to bridge that gap. It's the memoir I wish I'd had when I was sitting in my office, trying to hold myself together while leading others. It's also a call to action for every organization that wants to do better.
We can create cultures where grief and leadership coexist. Where vulnerability is recognized as a form of strength, not a liability. Where the people holding space for everyone else also have space held for them. But it requires us to fundamentally rethink how we support leaders through personal crisis.
If you've ever wondered who catches the person everyone else leans on, this book is for you. If you're building organizations that want to honor the full humanity of their leaders, let's start that conversation together. And if you've ever felt the weight of leading while your world is falling apart, I want you to know: you're not alone, and there is a better way forward.
Speaking Engagements & Keynotes
Tamara speaks to organizations ready to bridge the gap between leadership expectations and human reality. She brings insight from both lived experience and executive leadership to conversations about creating cultures where vulnerability and strength coexist.
The Book: Who Holds the Leader
Who Holds the Leader? is both memoir and manifesto. It chronicles one executive's journey through sudden loss and asks the question organizations can no longer ignore: How do we support leaders when they need to be held? A call for cultures that honor the full humanity of those who lead.